I woke up this morning at 3 o’clock to the sound of a thunderstorm. As I laid in dark, listening to the sound of the rain drone on, my current struggles and anxieties began rolling around in my mind like the thunder outside and I questioned God, “what do you want me to do?” I go there too fast, thinking that there must be some answer, some thing that I can do to alleviate the trials that I’m experiencing. I’m so quick to speak, so fast to pull the trigger. Fire, ready, aim…
But this morning, God was speaking, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.” Whether from exhaustion or the constant sound of the rain, I drifted back to fitful sleep thinking, “How can I seek first the kingdom of God?”
A few hours later I was outside walking, rain soaked pavement and sidewalks reflected the light of the street lamps and the air was cool and moist. The caffeine in my mug sweeping cobwebs from my mind. After a couple fitful hours, I longed to hear more and resolved to listen to God this morning.
My prayers are often a lot like that rain that woke me up. Constantly droning on, pouring out my struggles and desires and needs and wants without letting up, always talking but not really listening. It occurred to me that while God wants me to talk with him, he has much to say to me and I’m not particularly good at being quiet.
“Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.”
Jesus taught that two thousand years ago but is he really telling me that this morning? I think it’s noteworthy that the “these things” he’s referring to – food, clothing and by implication the provisional needs of our lives – are the very things I’m anxious about.
“I want to seek first your kingdom. But I’m really anxious and fearful about the circumstances that I’m going through right now. How do I know you’re with me?” It was a different sort of prayer, really a question for my Father. The silence is awkward for someone used to filling the quiet with words.
“I will not leave you or forsake you.”
God then reminded me of Joshua 1:5, the last part of that verse. And a few verses down, “Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
That’s encouraging, but God actually speaking to me? Those are pretty common sentiments, familiar verses to any Christian. Beautiful promises, but a little general, right? Actually, Hebrews 13 quotes this verse in the context of the Christian’s call to “keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have.” The writer goes on to say, “I will never leave you or forsake you, so we can confidently say, ‘the Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Hmmm, not specific enough? You have my attention, I’m listening.
“But I’m really afraid.” Early in the morning, walking in the dark with the Lord, we can be honest.
“Do not be anxious for anything, but in all things, through prayer and supplication, make your requests known to God, and the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
God could have reminded me about the ‘do not be anxious’ passage in Matthew 6, but the Philippians passage was a reminder to remain constant in prayer.
“But,” I responded, “I’ve been asking you to answer this particular prayer for a really long time. It feels like you don’t hear, aren’t answering or that maybe you’re not even there.”
…Yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice…
Immediately God brought to mind the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18. “Though I neither fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.” If an unrighteous judge will be moved by persistent supplication, how much more our heavenly Father who loves his children? To push the point home, verse 1 says that Jesus ‘told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.”
“So what should I do today?” I can’t seem to get away from this feeling that I have to do something.
“So, wether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
God answered. 1 Corinthians 10:31 seems at once too vague and yet perfectly to the point.
“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” Right now that lamp is only showing me the next step on the path. It’s not a spotlight shining in the distance.
By now, the sun was beginning to illuminate the scattering clouds and a few stars were still visible in the twilight. This morning I have listened more than I talked and indeed God was there. I have a day in front of me to live, and while I may not have as specific an answer as I would like, I do have useful answers.